Snow Flake
by kaoruhimura89
Summary: A gag of Snow White, in which an eccentric princess is awakened in the year 2013 by a not so princely redheaded civilian. Inspired by all the other spoofs on fairy tales, particularly Shrek and Enchanted. One-shot? kxk


Depending on the reception of this story, I will either leave it as a one-shot or continue it. I have other projects, so it may still just be a one-shot.

It's meant to be silly and fun. Some Occ-ness. Au.

* * *

**Snow Flake**

**by: Izzy**

Somewhere during his gallant and noble voyage towards rescuing the fair maiden with lips as red as blood, the prince fell drunk off his steed and snapped his neck. Wolves then ate him. Another prince came after, but could not bring himself to kiss a female, and so shook his reigns and took off to seek his stable boy. Men from all walks of life-princes, common folks, and peasants- all endeavored to wake the fair maiden with a kiss, but to no avail. Even the seven unsightly dwarves of the woodland attempted to break the nefarious spell, some giving her a smooch longer than necessary. No luck.

Thus, in living stillness she continued to exist, meanwhile all those she knew and loved and loathed died and went back into the earth. Or into the bellies of rabid animals, whichever got to them first. The world around her shifted and changed while her beauty remained, bearing no sign of age or growth, stuck in the physical state of a seventeen-year-old maiden. Except for the soft rise and fall of her bosom, she remained utterly still. Inwardly, however, her mind worked wildly, vividly, trudging along the border of madness and lucidity. Dancing animals, poisoned fruit, seven foul pairs of diminutive underwear and…. the witch, the witch, the BITCH.

Then, one day, as her imagination concocted yet another suicidal method, this one involving carnivorous ferrets, she felt a soft, feathery press on her lips. Something like fire shot through her body. Her eyes snapped opened. Eyes the color of violets stared back at her, inset in a face framed by a mass of red hair. The person blinked down at her and said, "Oro?"

Kaoru sprung up onto her rump, her brain slamming against her skull.

"Oh my," she said, setting her forehead against her palm.

"Are you alright, miss?"

Kaoru looked up to gaze at who she supposed was her One True Love, since said person was the one who broke the terrible and nefarious spell.

Kaoru gaped. The person was not right. His hair was a fiery mess fashioned into a simple low ponytail, not the princely high-knot that royalty wore. His clothing had tears and visible stitches everywhere, and the fabric was of low-quality, Kaoru could tell. Oddest of all was the style of his raiment. The shirt was loose-fitting, plain and boxy, with only a pocket on his left breast as an embellishment, and his trousers were made of some odd, blue, rough-looking material that draped on his legs stiffly. She on the other hand, wore an exquisite blue kimono with teal patterns of flowers, a violet obi wrapped around her narrow waist.

"You're not a prince!"

"Indeed, I am not."

"But, but, a prince was supposed to rescue me."

"From the spell?"

"Yes, the spell. How do you know?"

"Well, there's a sign that reads 'Under a Terrible Spell. To Break Spell, Please Kiss Lips' on this side of this coffin-like thing, see?"

Kaoru followed the line of direction his finger was pointing at, and saw that, yes there was a sign on the side of her coffin that read "Under a Terrible Spell. To Break Spell, Please Kiss Lips."

"How did you break the spell if you're not a prince?"

"I was just curious to see what would happen if I kissed you, like maybe appear in a hidden-camera TV show or something."

"TV what?"

"You know, a TV show that plays pranks on people. Is this what this is? Or are you just playing a joke for your own entertainment."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, and I should be the one wondering if this is a joke, because only princes can break the spell. That is unless... Unless you are my wicked stepmother!"

"Miss, I think you've been reading too many fairy tales. I'll be on my way now."

"Wait!"

The man paused.

"You're just going to leave me here, alone?"

"You think I'm your wicked stepmother. I thought that leaving would be something you'd appreciate."

"Well, there's a possibility that you aren't my wicked stepmother."

"That is true. Actually, you'd be happy to know that I'm nothing but a ordinary man, that I am."

"Will you take me with you, then?"

The man looked at her considerably. He sighed. "I suppose I can't leave you here alone. How did you end up here anyway?"

"It was my wretched stepmother! She tricked me into eating a poisoned apple that induced me into a coma in which I have been under for many, many years. So many if fact that I don't even know how much time has passed. What year is this?"

The man gave her sidelong look. "2013."

"That's… that's impossible! I have been asleep all that time?"

"What year were you put under the spell?"

"1534."

"I see. Well, miss… What is your name?"

"Kaoru. People called me Snow Flake, but you can just call me Kaoru."

"Miss Kaoru, is there a place I can bring you to? A home… Or institution of sorts?"

"My castle, but being the wicked, powerful witch my stepmother is, she is probably still alive. Witches can live forever, you know."

"Well, I can assure you, there are no witches around here."

"That's what they want you to believe! They are cunning creatures, those witches. Oh, hi there little guy." Kaoru bent down to a squirrel that had come up to them. "Come here." The rodent ran up her arm and perched itself on her shoulder, making content chittery noises.

"How did… Miss Kaoru, there is a squirrel on your shoulder."

"Yes, I know."

"How did that happen?"

"Animals like me," said Kaoru with pride. "They love when I sing to them, too."

Feeling suddenly inspired, Kaoru began to do just that. From the branches of trees, birds emerged and fluttered around her, chirping merrily to the tune of her song. Rabbits ascended their rabbit holes and hopped along close to her feet, as did several squirrels, chipmunks, and other rodents.

"Maybe I should leave."

The singing halted, she screamed, "You mustn't!" and all the little frightened critters scampered away.

"You seem like you could do well without me. Having animal friends is always good company, and a woman should never rely on a man to save her, that she shouldn't."

"If you must know, I happen to be an excellent swordsman. Problem is that I do not have my weapon with me."

His eyes lit up. "Swordsman, really? I rarely meet any of those around, much less women. It's a shame."

"Are you a swordsman as well? No, it cannot be with the way you are dressed."

"I wear traditional garments when practicing and sparring."

"Is that so? So you are a swordsman! I wonder how skilled you are."

"I'm actually the headmaster of a dojo."

"Oh, how I envy you! It has always been my dream to own my own dojo, but my wicked stepmother would have never allowed it. She didn't know I practiced swordsmanship, and much less that the huntsman trained me. Before that, it had been my father who was my sensei, until that wench murdered him."

"I'm sorry to hear, Miss Kaoru."

"She must be stopped!"

"How do you plan to do that?"

"It must not be revealed yet."

"That is reasonable."

"Of course it is. I've had centuries to think about it, if it is indeed 2013."

"I have no reason to lie."

"No, I suppose you don't… That is unless… You really are her in disguise."

"Uh, miss Kaoru, we've already been over this. I am not your wicked stepmother, or any witch of sorts."

"How can I be sure? She is a clever, beguiling sorceress. That is how she entrapped me in the first place." She grabbed a fallen branch near her feet, brandishing it as a bokken.

"If I was the witch, why would I break the spell? That would defeat the whole point, don't you think miss?"

"Perhaps she, or you, or whomever, has other plans for me. No, this cannot be, I will not allow myself to be trapped again!"

She swung, tripped on the root of a tree, and fell arms first onto the ground with an "umf." Years of being stretch on a coffin without using her feet had added up.

With a sigh, Kenshin walked towards her, offering his hand. She looked up at dubiously.

"Miss Kaoru, I am not a witch, and I have no intention to harm you."

Reluctantly, she took it, and gasped in astonishment as he hoisted her up with a single pull. My, was he strong. And now that she looked at him better, rather handsome, in a feminine sort of way. The warmth of his hands shot throughout her body, her heartbeat quickening as he held her hand. Could this really be her One True Love?

His eyes widened, and he released her, his voice shaky as he said, "So, are you really a princess from the 16th century?"

The question slowly processed through her brain as she stared at him, enraptured. He was so pretty… "Yes…"

"I suppose having the ability to stir animals into harmonized dancing and singing is a princess-y thing, however frightening."

Indignation suddenly stirred up in her, snapping her out of her stupor. "Frightening for a peasant, maybe."

"Will you please not call me that? I am not a peasant."

"Than what social position do you hold?"

"Well, um, I suppose I am lower-class."

"Yes, a peasant."

"No! Well, yes, but we don't call people that anymore."

"Why not?"

"Because we just don't. It's not politically correct. If anyone does call someone a peasant, they are either saying it jokingly or are playing D n' D."

"D n' D?"

"It's a game."

"Oh, I love games!"

"Yes, I can imagine so."

"My favorite is hanaichimonme. It was so delightful playing with those little dwarves of mine..."

"Children still play that. And the occasional inebriated adult."

"We shall need to play together some time, preferably not inebriated."

"Eh heh heh... Maybe, some time."

"Excellent. What is your name, kind sir?"

"Mine? Kenshin. Himura Kenshin."

"Ah, Heart of Sword. Fine name, it is."

"Thank you."

"You are most welcome, Kenshin. Well, Kenshin, being that you are apparently my One True Love, we should leave at once to your estate and wed as soon as possible."

"Um, Miss Kaoru, we just met."

"So?"

"So people don't just marry when they meet."

"Oh, you're right, how silly of me. First, you must propose. Usually our parents would arrange our marriage, and then you'd officially propose, and then we'd wed, but being that my parents are defunct, and your parents are… That's right, your parents! When shall I meet them?"

"I'm afraid they are also both... defunct."

"That's a shame. I'm sure they were fine people."

"Yes, they were."

"Well, then the only thing to do is for you to propose to me."

"Miss Kaoru, I hate to spoil your good mood, but I cannot do that."

"Why not?"

"Because I cannot be your One True Love."

"Why not?"

"Because… We just met."

"Yes, you said that before."

"Am I your One True Love simply because I broke the spell?"

"You have to be. Only my One True Love can break the spell. I've been kissed numerous times by all sorts of men- and women- and none have broken the spell."

"You were aware through all this?"

"Yes, I was," she said, her face twisting into a look of revulsion, "It was disgusting."

"I'm sorry Miss Kaoru."

"It's alright. I at last, have found my One True Love, even if he is not a prince."

"Miss Kaoru, those sort of things only happen in fairy tales."

"Then tell me how it is that when I look at you, I get butterflies in my stomach, and I feel like dancing and singing."

He blushed deeply. "You do?"

"Yes, don't you?" She asked, stepping closer to him so that their noses were only inches apart, her large blue eyes shining with affection.

Kenshin swallowed. "Don't-don't I wh-what?"

"Get butterflies in your stomach? Feel this love?"

"I… Miss Kaoru, I'm not sure how to answer that."

"Am I not of your liking?"

"Oro? How do you mean?"

"Am I not attractive to you?"

"You are very beautiful. It's just that… Well, I think we should get to know each other a little more before jumping into any sort of romantic relationship."

"Isn't that done after we're married?"

"In some cases and cultures, yes. But that is not how most people do it, although to be honest, people do often find out certain things about their spouse only after their married, usually unpleasant. But I would personally prefer to date a girl before marrying her."

"What is this date?"

Kenshin grappled for a way to describe dating. "It's almost like a courtship, except that you don't necessarily intend to marry the person you are dating. Sometimes, they are the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, and sometimes they are not. If they are not, you break up," at her confused expression, he explained, "Break up means something like call the courtship off. And when you do that, you on dating someone else until you find the right one. Some people never marry, and prefer dating all their lives."

"And what happens to the woman, what does she do when the man breaks off this 'dating'?"

"Women can date whom they wish, as well."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"I wish to date you."

"I am flattered, really I am, but I'm not sure if that is a great idea, that I do not."

"And how come?"

"Because…" He was going to say "because we just met" again, but decided against the roundabout explanation. "Because we come from completely different backgrounds. I do not have much to offer you. I am poor, and you will not have the luxuries that you were accustomed to."

"Luxuries! I slept in a cot, with ants crawling all about me. This dress I wear is the only nice one I own. All my others were rags. After my father died, my stepmother raised me as a peasant, even though my rightful position was a princess. She denied me all my privileges and treated me no better than a servant! I know little of luxuries, nor do I wish to have them. I am fine living a modest life. In fact, I prefer it. When I was with the dwarves, I was my most happiest. Although some of those wretched bastards did stick their tongue down my throat while I was under a spell. Foul, it was!"

"If all this is true, why were you so aghast that I am not a prince?"

"Well, isn't it always a prince that is supposed to come to the rescue? That is how Aurora was awakened, and how Cinderella escaped her wretched life. I don't understand why and how it is someone of your social standing can be my One True Love, but I will take that over being under a spell any day. I apologize for my rudeness earlier… I just… I just… was afraid that it was all a cruel joke and that I'd be under a spell once again. I don't care if you're a prince, really I don't. I love you."

He sucked in his breath. He was less shocked at her words than at his realization that he too loved her. But what loudacrosity was this! He couldn't love her… But he did, and he had the moment he kissed her, he just did not know what to name the feeling that had come over him when he did.

He loved her! He loved her! He loved her!

But would he marry her? There was only one way to find out. "Be my girlfriend."

"Pardon?"

"My girlfriend."

"You wish only to be friends?"

"No. you misunderstand me. A girlfriend is what we nowadays refer to a woman we are formerly dating."

"Like a fiancée?"

"Not quite. More like, a person whom I am in a committed romantic relationship with."

"Like courting?"

"Yes, something like that."

"Does this mean we will marry?"

"That is yet to be determined, but I have a feeling that it is a huge probability."

"Very well. I accept to be your girlfriend."

And with that, he took her into his arms and kissed her for a second time, only this time, he used his tongue.

The End?


End file.
